Hello Everyone and Happy Friday 🙂

Now, this is a sensitive subject.

No one, and I do mean no one wants to acknowledge the worse about themselves. I’m not talking about your flaws, whether those are big or small, I’m talking about the darkness, the meanness, the cruelty that everyone is capable of having. Of inflicting.

I’m talking about the bad and maybe even evil things, that you have done, during your life. I’m talking about the words or the actions, said and done, that you regret deeply, right down to your bones, the things that you are the most ashamed of, a shame that will never go away, clinging upon your skin and closing up our throat every time you think about it.

I’m talking about your sins, the ones that lower your head and your eyes, tighten your heart painfully and weighs on you constantly.

The bad and the ugly… the unforgivable things that some of us have done. Not just unforgivable to others, but unforgivable to ourselves too.

When you know you did something like that… when you are painfully aware that you have hurt someone in the past or in the present and you did it deliberately, fully aware of the devastation you would wrought, but no caring enough to stop… When you are a different person today, feeling every shred of self-loathing for your actions, and suffocating under your insurmountable guilt; when you’ve been bad, cruel and horrible… how do you cope?

You live with it.

You try everyday to be a better person. You take that will, make it stone and built on it.

Forgiving yourself is easier said than done. The action is too foreign when you know you were wrong, when you and everyone else cannot get past your mistakes. Of course, no one will be able to even see you differently if you only see a monster while looking in the mirror, but forgiving yourself does not come from a simple decision, it’s hard work, months, years, a lifetime of committing your heart and your soul to love the world, the people and yourself the way you always should have.

Some people find it easier, somehow, to give in their baser instincts and lash out, hurt others because they have been hurt first. Some people destroy others just to built themselves up, they disrespect, disparage, and humiliate them, making them feel worthless, because this is how they feel on a daily basis. They relish in the suffering and struggles of others because they find it reassuring: “There, at least I’m not him” that’s their motto, the pedestal of their cruelty.

I’m not writing this for those people. They do not matter, their hatefulness can keep them warm at night and their bitterness can be their best friend.

I’m writing this Shatzi for the people who were like this but decided to change. I’m writing this for the people who feel guilty about their past and work hard, so very hard to atone for their mistakes.

I wish to tell you  “It’s OK.” You are not alone. You are not a monster, and you are not a lost cause.

I wish to tell you “Thank you” for trying, for changing, for not giving up on yourself and others.

I wish to tell you “I’m sorry you got hurt before” I’m sorry you felt like the only way for you to be heard was to hurt someone else.

I wish to tell you “It’s nice to meet you”, the real you, the strong you, the you who can and will find redemption, the you who inspire strength and respect, the you who is worthy of love.

Be kind, be brave and be good, people.

Enjoy this Shatzi.

 

Quote of the day

Picture of the day

Song of the day

Jaymes Young  “I’ll Be Good”

I thought I saw the devil, this morning
Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue
With the warning to help me see myself clearer
I never meant to start a fire,
I never meant to make you bleed,
I’ll be a better man today

I’ll be good, I’ll be good
And I’ll love the world, like I should
Yeah, I’ll be good, I’ll be good
For all of the times that I never could.

My past has tasted bitter for years now,
So I wield an iron fist
Grace is just weakness
Or so I’ve been told.
I’ve been cold, I’ve been merciless
But the blood on my hands scares me to death
Maybe I’m waking up today

I’ll be good, I’ll be good
And I’ll love the world, like I should
I’ll be good, I’ll be good
I’ll be good, I’ll be good
For all of the light that I shut out
For all of the innocent things that I’ve doubt
For all of the bruises that I’ve caused and the tears
For all of the things that I’ve done all these years
Yeah, for all of the sparks that I’ve stomped out
For all of the perfect things that I doubt

I’ll be good, I’ll be good
And I’ll love the world, like I should
Yeah, I’ll be good, I’ll be good
For all of the times I never could.

Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
For all of the times I never could.

• Featured Image Header: Credits & Copyrights:  Gabríela Sigurðardóttir – Support this wonderful artist on his 500px page.